Creative Critical Reflection

Creative Critical Reflection link!

Final Project

          Its finally here: the finished product and culmination of the hours of hard work you all saw me write about in this blog! Anything more that I could possibly say about this opening is stated in my critical reflection, which I highly recommend watching if you want to hear more about what technologies I used, some behind the scenes facts, and my overall reflection of the process. This was a truly amazing experience, thank you so much for going on this journey with me. Without further adieu...simply click here and enjoy.

A Creative Fix

          So as you have probably noticed by now, the word "ascension" in my blog URL is spelled wrong...no this was not intentional...but from this point on its a choice. The reason I chose the Ascention Mediums was because through this project I wanted to develop my skills and continue to raise above the level I was before as I continue with my arts career. However, everyone makes mistakes! Mine was spelling ascension wrong, but its okay because after some thought I decided to fix this situation by creating a graphic to enhance my branding and make it appear like a creative choice.

This is the rough sketch for the design, a design deep rooted in all mediums and the arts that ascends up and up and never comes down.

Sound: Foley, Voice Overs, and More

          One of the most challenging parts of the project as a whole is going to be editing all of my Foley sounds in post production. I briefly mentioned this before, but I wanted to go more in depth with it now. Since the endangerment of the first shots I knew that I was going to have to mute my production and start with the sound from scratch. There was too much unconnected noise in the background to make sense of the scenes without doing so, and there's very minimal synchronous speaking in any of the shots, so I figured that this would be the best process to create my full atmosphere.

          The way I began with this, in the realist portions, was going back to the spots that I filmed and recording the ambiance of the room in pure "silence". The only thing diagetic to the ambiance was the sound of the fan whirring, which was easy to recreate. As for the formalist shots, there is actually a shooting range at Markham Park next to the spot that we filmed. Keeping dead silent for minutes, I recorded the ambiance of the forest with the gun shots in the background and I'm planning on using this as the basis for he background of the episode. Of course, I will also include the sounds of footsteps, clothes brushing against each other, breathing, door knobs turning, and any other sound that are diagetic to the scenes. The realist scenes will mainly use synchronous sounds, but the formalist region reflecting the episode will contain but more asynchronous and non-diagetic sounds.

          Also in the episode (I've been waiting for the right moment to discuss this!) is going to be voice overs of Teresa's voice and potentially the voices of others that are going to scream and taunt Michael in his episode so as to reinforce and reflect the main themes of the film. In truth, this film is an commentary of the plight of soldiers in society during and after the war. My primary themes include the loss of innocence, the brutality of war, the false definition of what constitutes "being a man",  and more controversial issues. Below is a rough script of what I am going to record Amanda saying and how she is going to say it, and I'm going to match the tone of the voice over to overlay with the tone of the snippets on the screen. By the end of the episode, when Michael lashes out and "accidentally" hits Teresa, the sound is going to have built up to and intolerable and complex auditory experience, leading up to the final blow (when all sound will stop). The only thing that will be consistent from beginning to end is a faint ear ringing sound, similar to what someone with tinnitus hears, to enhance loneliness in the realist scenes and disjointed-ness in the formalist scene.

Formalism at Last

          Yesterday I rushed to Markham Park, prepared to film in the forest of a golf field for fear it was closed, and arrived to my favorite spot (one I had actually used previously as the set for a blue grass music video in this class). The spot is on the verge of a lake, perfect for the symbol of life and freedom that I wanted to incorporate. The spot itself a disjointed wood with broken trees and naturally dichotomous wildlife (both disgusting and beautiful). I won't let myself go on my rant about symbolism behind it just yet; but I wanted to set the scene before I talk about some of the more interesting parts of the process.

          The theme for this project for me seems to be "...well that went better than expected." On my way out the door, diving for food coloring in case I needed to fashion impromptu blood, I grabbed a bottle of maple syrup thinking "its a similar consistency to blood" while the back of my mind was thinking that I was an idiot. I didn't do any research on the recipes of fake blood, and honestly I'm quite glad that I did not and that I just stuck to my common sense. The mixture of the syrup and the food coloring was so perfect that when it dripped through Michael's fingers and onto the ground I had to film the blood on the dead leaves! It even gathered perfectly in the water! The only problem was that it stained Michael's hands so much that he'll probably be pink for the next couple of days, but I'm sure he'll survive.

      
          Besides that I'm surprised Michael and Amanda didn't go on strike for what I put them through. Having Amanda walk barefoot through icy lake water and having Michael crawl into an all manner of dark and dirty and squirming places was interesting to say the least. He particularly didn't thank me when I asked him to rub dirt on his arms and under his fingernails (though he seemed to be having a little too much fun as he rolled around in the dirt). Don't worry though, the marks you will see on his face are indeed stage makeup and his hair was made damp in certain shots by the use gel, lotion, water, and a couple of other textures that Michael wasn't particularly fond of.

          The inspiring parts were when I would see the both of my actors just sitting in though among the ambiance of the forest (or jungle as it is really meant to be, due to the circumstances of the film). Particularly with Amanda, who's character is peaceful and innocent, whenever I would catch her sitting in deep though, I would film her without her noticing, getting a truly organic shot (acting wise).

Editing

          I had the original intention of filming tonight, but some complications came up so instead I decided to start focusing on the editing. I have about 15 minutes of footage total for both realist sections, which is both a blessing and a curse. There's more than enough footage to create the scene exactly as I envisioned it, better actually, but there are too many pivotal moments for me to fit everything I wanted into only two minutes. The main problem I keep encountering is differences in lighting between shots; between a few different sequences, we had to adjust our source of lighting (a small bedside lamp that one of the actors would carry when the other was on screen, or that would be balanced behind the TV in the case that both actors were in the shot) which makes it a little difficult to properly put together with my minimal editing softwares. Currently I'm using iMovie, but luckily Nik Collections by Google has just been released for free! I'm going to play with it to see if and how I can edit video footage. Hopefully I won't have to take it frame by frame but if I feel like its necessary and I have enough time that's exactly what I'll do. For now though I'm simply trying to avoid those shots or find unintended alternative shots that fit the scene.

          To cut down the time of the sequence that I have, including both segments of the realist scenes, I attempted to just speed up the frames per second...but there was no happy medium between too fast and just fast enough to actually save time. Instead I decided, painfully, to cut a certain part of the scene. Although it isn't vital to the understanding or thematics of the scene, this one shot would have profoundly enhanced it. However, for now I'm just going to stick with the vital elements and hopefully once I have shot the formalist part I will have enough time to edit that one segment back in. So far I have managed to cut down the time to 1 minute and 25, not quite leaving enough time for the episode but I'm optimistic that I'll make it work!

It's All Coming Together!

I was so excited to finally be writing this blog post that I refused to sleep until I had documented everything! Today was my first day filming, and I decided to focus on the realist portions of the film (tackling the opening and the aftermath of the episode). First and fore mostly, I want to accredit my actors: Michael Valladares and Amanda Ribnick. These two unbelievably talented and mature young people have defied every expectation that I had, perfectly emulating the representation, age, and complexities of my characters. This is extremely important and exciting to me particularly because believably and emphasis on acting are a large component in the conventions of a drama.

The experience that I had while filming was probably some of the most fun and meaningful work I've ever had the pleasure of creating. Inspired by the sporadic style of filming that Malick used during Tree of Life, (as I mentioned during one of my previous posts, and I plan on sticking to even more when I film the formalist aspect) I used more of a free form style of directing so that I could easily cater to my filming space and adapt to the abilities of my actors.

My filming space proved to be the most challenging element of filming, considering that the space I wanted to move also consisted of another bed, a treadmill, and a bureau with a flat screen TV (things that weren't exactly typical of the 1960s). The reason I chose that space to begin with was because of the simplicity of the white wall and almost detached aspect of being in a completely blank yet enclosed area that reflects the closed off nature of Michael. The best way I could circumvent this was with multiple angles taken with the intent of utilizing editing. Long shots would have been almost impossible, so I took up to six alternate multiple angles of every shot, each with different
purpose so that I can piece together the best shots later. Probably the most creative filming I did was attempting to achieve a long shot in order to symbolize the isolation that Michael feels. In order to do this I had to stand between the foot of the bed and the top of the treadmill so that I could get a high angle shot, making him seem inferior to himself. It was an amazing accomplishment and I will be posting edited ships of it soon!

Other interesting parts of the project were instances when I made impromptu decisions about the plot to further establish the character relationships. A whole process unfolded out of me deciding that I wanted to place item that would characterize Michael on a small table near the door of the bedroom. I decided this because the space was to isolated that by placing something on the table that represented him it would add such a simplistic emphasis on his emotions (which you all already know when enough by now).  However, I ended up not doing this because I couldn't find the right objects on hand that would properly emulate him. Growing off of this idea, though, I still wanted an item for Michael to have that added a relatable poignancy to the scene. I instantly thought of a picture, one of lovers that their man take to war with them. Unfortunately, it was too late into filming to produce a picture of Amanda and make it authentic. Instead, I created the back of the photograph with a message written from her, and decided that later I would shoot a close up of her actual photograph that I could properly edit into the scene with an eye-line match. I had to make this "photo" look like it had been through war: I simply cut a rectangular slip of hard paper, folded it, scuffed and scratched the edges, wet it, and then used dark makeup to make it appear dirty and weathered. The finished product was beautiful and completely impromptu, and I used a red pen in order to represent (in a dichotomous nature, like everything else in this film) passion and blood.

              

 Finally, the last thing I had to create was Theresa's makeup. I wanted her to look clean and beautiful and pure, not only to represent her character but also to provide a sharp contrast to her face once Michael hits her. This makeup was just don with simple stage makeup techniques that I've aquired over the years from being in drama. I wanted to emphasize the force of the blow (showing how unstable and violent Michael's state of mind it) so I made the bruise darker than is anatomically accurate, but I am also continuing some of my formalist elements of expression with mise-en-scene to create a stable transition back into the realism. I started with a red lip liner as a base, putting it around the edges of the welt and in the natural splits of her lip to make it appear like popped blood vessels and raw skin, but also make it look believable. Then I added different shades of purple and brown eye shadow (since green and yellow are typically for bruises that are almost healed) to add depth to the welt. The end result was chilling.

As I said, I was so excited to find meaning in all of my spontaneous and creative decisions, and all together I'm elated to continue editing (I couldn't help myself I had to start right away!). Here is a excerpt.

 

By the way I must give a quick disclaimer, there is no sound in this video because the filming space we used was far too unavoidably loud. So I made the decision to completely mute the entire film and add use Foley sound editing techniques. It seems like it would be long and arduous and far above my skill level...but I'm up for the challenge and feel like I am equipped enough to execute it properly!

Emotion v. Accuracy: A Happy Medium

                    

 

The purpose I am writing this post is extremely specific, and I don’t want anyone to misunderstand why I am making the choices I am. After conducting a private interview with a classmate, who will remain anonymous out of respect, I have fully come to terms with the way I will represent my character and his episodes. Below is the interview, which was conducted verbally and which I took notes on supervised by the subject. In order to make my notes decipherable, the answers he provided will be paraphrased (the subject approves all information in it).

1) How would you characterize you disorder? How did you develop the disorder (physical experience or emotional)?

It was a culmination of two experiences, one physical and one predominantly emotional. Growing up, he was severely bullied during school and endured both physical and emotional abuse almost every day. He described it as truly horrific for any person, let alone a child in elementary and middle school. He would come home with black eyes, and the emotional trauma proved to be even worse. Recently, he experienced a traumatic car accident, and which added to his already developed and diagnosed Anxiety Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

2) What triggers your episodes?

            Contrary to popular belief, these episodes usually occur with no outside stimulus. Imagine a mundane, ordinary day, even complete silence, and being left alone to your thoughts. It is primarily thoughts and memories that trigger episodes; being left to your own personal and traumatized psyche is the primary trigger. Seeing images and people associated with the event also have an effect, and can trigger episodes, but the second primary trigger that he revealed to me was seeing others in similar situations. There is an overwhelming sense of empathy that stems from relatability.

3) How long do your episodes last?

            The way in which he personally experiences them varies. In reality, an episode lasts a couple of seconds, but in his mind it can feel like hours as if he were reliving the experience. A good analogy would be the structure of a dream, how scientifically dreams are meant to last seconds at a time but when they are experienced that can seem over the course of the entire night. However, there is also the type of episode that occurs in flashes. Regardless of the length, he stressed how his episodes were unprecedentedly sensorial. The episodes were exactly like the reality he experienced.

4) How would you describe your physical responses when you go through this?

            Personally, he described his physical mannerisms as being noticeably tense and anxious. He scrunches up his face, particularly his upper eye region, tensing his eyelids. He exhibits the typical anxious mannerisms, such as touching his neck and his hands, and he stressed how he took deep breaths as if he had difficulty breathing. These are three different types of physical responses that consistently occur for him simultaneously.

5) Does it happen most often when you’re awake or asleep?

            He explains that he is usually awake when he has his episodes. He used to experience nightmares years ago but they stopped after he attended therapy. He felt very strongly about therapy, claiming that the sessions helped him and expressing that he feels everyone should have a therapist in the sense that they are completely free to let go. He stressed though that there are numerous different kinds of treatments and that it has to be catered to the individual to be effective.

6) What do you see and hear and feel during a specific episode?

When describing his episodes he has had regarding the car accident, he describes that they come in the form of either watching from above looking down on the scene or reliving it first personal. He has never experienced an episode where he was outside of the scene or witnessing it as a third person. The sounds were described as highly realistic as well, and the subject described them as stings, in media studies terms.

He also explained that originally, he could not remember many of the aspects of the event, as if he had repressed parts of it or as if it were a blur, but that the more he dealt with the issue the more of the event he recalled.

Overall, the interviewee seemed comfortable and content with his state after all of his progress learning to deal with these disorders, but he stressed how frightening each experience is and how traumatic it is to continue to relive such an experience over and over again.

A Happenstance Discovery

    Today I had an amazing experience of acting in one of my classmate film openings for this same project. While discussing both of our films and concepts with each other, he opened up to me. I learned today that he has PTSD and an anxiety disorder caused by a traumatic incident, and he offered me the amazing opportunity to interview him about his experiences in PTSD in regards to his triggers and his episodes and how they affect him physically (in other words what changes others can see in his mannerism and body language and physicality). 
     I was honored that he offered, and accepted so that I can compare the thoughts of someone actually suffering with the disorder to the representation of people who suffer in film. Hopefully this will give me more insight and help me make more educated decisions on how to direct the actor playing Michael. 
    We have not conducted the interview yet, but during this conversation he revealed to me that his personal triggers are most commonly thoughts and conversations, not images or sounds. When he begins to feel panicked, his episodes (for lack of a better term) are seen by others as only lasting for a few moments, but in his mind they appear to last for much longer. This made me think of the way you dream, how scientifically dreams are meant to only be seconds long but they can sometimes feel like hours. This inspired me in the mapping out of the aftermath portion if the opening (the second realist scene), and how Teresa should react to Michael's trance-like state. 
    I would like the "abuse" to escelate throughout the movie because of this. This inspired me to make the decision that Michael's episodes will start off comparatively small and grow to out of proportion and longer and more intense. This will be one of the first times that he hurts her during his episodes, and his emergence from his episode will be almost in confusiong. This will provide the perfect ground for the conflict to grow and for the complexity of thier relationship to unfold.

Structure

     In order to fully understand the effect that Michael's PTSD has on his and Teresa's life, I've decided that the opening scene of the film will start of with realism, transform into formalism, and then go back to realism. The reason I decided to do this is so the audience can see Michael and Teresa's predicament in its full capacity; the first scene of realism will show (or hint at) the trigger, the formalist scene will delineate the episode he has, and the shift back to realism will show the aftermath.